Roller coasters, a fist fight, drowning, being shot at and crashing your car result in the same chemical reactions as a can you find in the convenience store. This also makes you play video games better and allows you to stay up later to study for finals. Adrenaline makes the airways open up to accept more oxygen, it makes the heart pump faster to get that oxygen to the rest of the body, and it increases reaction time and dilates the pupils so you can see what is about to kill you so you can avoid it. It is not the caffeine that gives you energy, it’s just the catalyst to your own release of energy. It’s part of our body’s natural fight or flight response.Ĭaffeine is literally convincing your body that you are going to die and your body is trying to stop that. Like a mother who hasn’t heard from her kid in a while, the adrenal glands go berserk and release adrenaline into the body, thinking that there is something wrong going on. Ever see a movie where someone cuts the phone line to a building? Caffeine is that guy. Kind of like when your significant other stops texting you back and you freak out.Ĭaffeine blocks the signal from the brain to the adrenal glands, right above your kidneys. It’s only when the signal stops when the body part takes action. Good job, nature.Įvery second you’re alive, your brain is sending signals to your body that everything is fine and dandy. The same bugs that crawl on feces won’t touch this stuff, and yet you buy cans of it at a time. Don’t worry, the shakes go away after a while.Ĭaffeine is found in plants and is used to prevent bugs from eating the plant. I’ve collected dimes and nickles off the floor and in couch cushions to feed that machine so it can feed me. The energy drink vending machine right outside the office of The Post has seen more of my money than the bookstore. Energy drinks feel like some sort of creature has spawned in my brain stem and he wants out, and that’s why I’m convinced stealing shopping carts to crash into each other is an awesome idea. Too much coffee and I can’t concentrate, like there is this high pressure cloud of nothingness right behind my eyeballs that stops me from thinking clearly but allows me to kill the crap out of people in video games. I can tell you the difference between an energy drink buzz and a coffee buzz. Where is the fun in that? Don’t you want to re-arrange furniture at 4 a.m. Some people drink them every day and thus the chemicals don’t affect them. I’ll go a few days without them and then drink two or three and bounce off the walls and stay up late to do absolutely nothing productive at all. It’s not like I need a drink when I wake up, or I get the shakes after a while - I’m more of a binge energy drinker. The back seat of my car looks like an aluminum can recycling plant exploded. I have partied harder than a Rockstar and I’ve destroyed a few Amps in the process. I have slayed many Monsters, I have tamed many Red Bulls. If anyone knows about energy drinks, it’s me. With finals coming up and college students needing every bit of energy they can get to work jobs, do homework, study and do stupid things they can later cover up by saying “Hey, it was college,” energy drinks will flow like rivers on our campus and students tell their internal clocks to kiss their ass and tell sleep to go to hell. My name is Dan and I’m addicted to energy drinks. Check out the center spread of this article in the April 7 issue of The Oakland Post – because studying for finals is for losers.
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